I’ve crossed over to the dark side, abandoned all hope thrown in the towel, read the writing on the wall and turned my back on all I hold dear.
That's right.... I’m on a diet.
No cookies, cakes, pies or chips. No pizza, General Tso’s Chicken, BBQ or fried dough of any kind. Just that thin flavorless grayish-green vitamin fortified gruel-like substance you’re forced to eat when you leave the matrix.
Ok I’m exaggerating...a little.
I’m on the Weight Watchers Flex Plan. Wheee! It’s actually a pretty cool set –up. The best part of it is that the whole thing is done on line, no meetings. Now I’m well aware that people who go to meetings tend to be more successful in their pursuit of a chafe free summer. I’m also aware that if I were to attend a typical meeting I would more than likely be killed and possibly eating by a large number of protein deprived housewives and office workers from Staten Island and Queens who wouldn’t appreciate my “unique” outlook on life. So I’m keeping it strictly cyber.
The plan itself is pretty simple. A point value is assigned to almost every edible substance in the known universe. Depending on ones sex, height, weight and level of daily activity, one is given a maximum number of points per day. I am allowed 35 points a day and an extra 35 points a week to use any way I wish. Just to put things in perspective, I as a man at 6’1/240 get 35 points a day while 30 points a day would represent the average daily food intake of a Rufous hummingbird. Not a Lucifer or Green Violet-ear but a Rufous.
I can also earn “Activity Points” by well... doing stuff. Walking for 20 minutes at a moderate pace earns you 2 points, at a brisk pace 4 points. Running the New York City Marathon 6 points. As a side benefit I get access to the WW message boards. Some of the posts are in turns heartbreaking and hilarious. It’s hard to feel bad about eating that Oreo after reading a post by a woman who ate her son’s birthday cake…all of it…in the car…on the way home from the bakery.
I hear my detractors already
“He’ll never make it”, “ They’ll find him on the kitchen floor unconscious surrounded by rappers and clutching what’s left of a Hostess Cupcake”. Maybe they will. Who’s to say? Maybe I’ll drop 40 pounds and look great.
That's right.... I’m on a diet.
No cookies, cakes, pies or chips. No pizza, General Tso’s Chicken, BBQ or fried dough of any kind. Just that thin flavorless grayish-green vitamin fortified gruel-like substance you’re forced to eat when you leave the matrix.
Ok I’m exaggerating...a little.
I’m on the Weight Watchers Flex Plan. Wheee! It’s actually a pretty cool set –up. The best part of it is that the whole thing is done on line, no meetings. Now I’m well aware that people who go to meetings tend to be more successful in their pursuit of a chafe free summer. I’m also aware that if I were to attend a typical meeting I would more than likely be killed and possibly eating by a large number of protein deprived housewives and office workers from Staten Island and Queens who wouldn’t appreciate my “unique” outlook on life. So I’m keeping it strictly cyber.
The plan itself is pretty simple. A point value is assigned to almost every edible substance in the known universe. Depending on ones sex, height, weight and level of daily activity, one is given a maximum number of points per day. I am allowed 35 points a day and an extra 35 points a week to use any way I wish. Just to put things in perspective, I as a man at 6’1/240 get 35 points a day while 30 points a day would represent the average daily food intake of a Rufous hummingbird. Not a Lucifer or Green Violet-ear but a Rufous.
I can also earn “Activity Points” by well... doing stuff. Walking for 20 minutes at a moderate pace earns you 2 points, at a brisk pace 4 points. Running the New York City Marathon 6 points. As a side benefit I get access to the WW message boards. Some of the posts are in turns heartbreaking and hilarious. It’s hard to feel bad about eating that Oreo after reading a post by a woman who ate her son’s birthday cake…all of it…in the car…on the way home from the bakery.
I hear my detractors already
“He’ll never make it”, “ They’ll find him on the kitchen floor unconscious surrounded by rappers and clutching what’s left of a Hostess Cupcake”. Maybe they will. Who’s to say? Maybe I’ll drop 40 pounds and look great.
But I know one thing …I’m so hungry I could eat a horse.
I wonder how many points are in a horse?
I wonder how many points are in a horse?
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