In my post a few weeks ago, I lamented my inability to see any real results from my six weeks of dieting.
I’m now very happy to report that thanks to strict adherence to my eating plan and minimal physical activity I can actually suck in my gut. This is kind of a big deal seeing that for the last few years even the strongest contraction of my abdominal muscles produced no visible results. While this “feat” is a little pathetic for a fitness blog, I’ll take what I can get. It also has me wondering what long forgotten feats of physical prowess I may soon be able to undertake. Touching my toes, climbing a flight of stairs without gasping for breath, or maybe even getting off the toilet without grabbing the towel rack and praying it won’t rip out of the wall. The possibilities are endless.
The whole getting into shape thing is a very curious process of discovering hidden abilities. It’s like those kids on Heroes, but entertaining. Not being a “sporty” kind of guy, I don’t think I’m very likely to ever try rock climbing, parasailing or white water rafting, but should the mood (read: mental illness) ever strike, it’s nice to know that I will most likely meet my end by falling from a great distance onto craggy rocks and not stroking out on the walk from the car to wherever those rock thingies are.
Being able to “suck it in” also brings to light a myriad of fashion possibilities. The very idea that one day soon I won’t have to dig to the bottom of every pile of pants at the GAP, or could maybe even walk into an H&M with my head held high is a little intoxicating. I hold out no hope of ever being able to wear anything sold by American Apparel but since heroin addiction isn’t in my immediate future this doesn’t bother me too much.
Rest assured that any new physical abilities I discover will be reported forthwith, but for now it’s time for my afternoon low cal-high protein cereal bar with artificial cinnamon flavor and 3 ( yes, I counted them) raisins.
Mmmmmm, I’m fulfilled.
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